In a conversation many years ago with my oldest daughter, Ally, we discussed the demands of life. Family, work, friendships, and hobbies. Every day, we are faced with decisions on how to spend our time, deciding what are the must-do’s and may-do’s. As a young educator, she was faced with these choices and working out this puzzle of life.
Reflecting on a large fundraising event we recently hosted, Ally asked thoughtfully, “How do you fit it all in, Mom? How do you get it all done?”
I paused briefly and offered, “Well, first you set a goal, and then you do it. It’s just that simple.”
She erupted into laughter, “What!?! How is that simple? It seems like a few steps are missing.” Ally’s giggles continued.
I hadn’t meant to be funny, it’s how I see life. I grew up with a father that valued a person’s word. If you say you are going to do something, you do it. That was his way of saying, “It’s just that simple.”
I also know that Ally was right, there are steps to take between idea or goal identification and completing it. Planning the steps necessary to meeting the goal is important too. The middle can get messy, but ultimately, it’s the doing that gets us to our goal. It really is just that simple when you think about it that way. Or so I thought.
For most people, ideas are easy, the doing is the hard part. Nike was on to something with the slogan Just Do It. For most of my life, I focussed on caring for my family, tending the tasks at hand, setting goals, and achieving them. The motto ‘work hard, play hard’ fit me. I knew how important it was to keep my word, including to myself.
For years, people told me I should write a book. That sounded like a wonderful idea, but where would I begin? How would the story end? Would people even be interested in the trials and triumphs of my life?
After years of journaling and writing short pieces, I decided to write a memoir. It was time to do it, so I set the goal. The goal was the easy part. The ‘and then you do it’ proved more challenging than I anticipated.
I spent the better part of 2017-2019 recounting my journey through a medical crisis resulting in a near-death-experience and a lengthy recovery that followed. I developed a timeline that led to an outline for the memoir. A brief synopsis accompanied each chapter title, and it became my guide as I began to write.
One question, however, lingered in my mind. How does my story end? As I wrote, I searched for meaning in the pain and processed all that happened. With an active life including work, family, travel, and other obligations, I usually wrote in the early mornings and any other time I could ‘fit it in’. My progress was slow but inched along. Still, the question about the ending haunted me.
Along came 2020, and everything changed. Our family experienced the sudden, traumatic loss of our oldest daughter, Ally, due to a rare connective tissue condition called VEDS, Vascular Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. A call no parent ever wants to receive came on March 7, 2020 with the devastating news. Within days, the Covid-19 virus took its hold on the United States and we were forced into lockdown. Slowly our family unraveled into the depths of grief and isolation.
The writing of my memoir was cast aside. But my writing wasn’t. As our family isolated together from the rest of the world during the ‘safer at home’ requirements, I began journaling my deepest thoughts and feelings. I held nothing back in my entries. It gave me a place to ‘let it all out’ without dragging anyone else into my grief.
Several years later, 2024 to be exact, I set a goal. Again. This time however, I attached a timeline and action plan to accomplish the goal:
- Complete the first draft of my memoir by the end of the year.
- Write every morning, Monday through Friday.
I worked with a coach to keep myself accountable to the action plan and followed through. It wasn’t easy, but I started sharing my goal with others. That added accountability kept me writing. I needed to get it done. To keep my word.
As the year was coming to a close, I pushed harder towards my goal and extended my writing hours. One of the challenging things about writing a memoir is processing the emotions along with the writing. This took time, patience, and perseverance. Still, I kept at it.
I hung these notes of encouragement to myself, and more, on my computer that read as follows:
- “This is my shitty first draft…”
- “Fear (caution) is NOT needed but rather joy (daring)!”
- “Don’t explore fact, but rather truth. Let your soul write.”
- “The imperfect project you complete, is worth more than the perfect project you never finish.” – James Clear
In other words, just get the story on paper. Let the truth unfold with all its messiness. Revisions come later. Soon, my daughters began leaving notes of encouragement on my desk and computer.
“You’ve got this. Home stretch!”
“Your light will shine through your book as it does your smile.”
I knew I needed to ‘wrap it up’. And so I did. I breathed a sigh of relief and took a break.
As the new year began, the work of revising became my target. Improving the story with clarity and readability became my focus. I set another goal:
- Complete manuscript revisions by the end of 2025.
Now, some may wonder why I gave myself the entire year for this process. In order to achieve a goal, I believe it needs to be realistic. I kept my writing schedule and allowed myself to engage in other work, as well as maintain time for family, friends, and fun. I needed balance.
The squeeze came on summer days when I would’ve rather been outside, yet kept writing. I said no to activities and even some housekeeping chores (that wasn’t difficult) to improve revisions. I reminded myself often of my daughter Ally’s words.
“You’re sitting on the golden egg. People need to hear your experience. You have to try and write a draft. You can always go back and improve it. It will probably take more than twenty drafts to be satisfied. You may never be satisfied, but you will not know unless you write it.”
Those words of wisdom also kept me going. She was right, I could revise “until the cows come home”, as my mom would say, but that didn’t mean I would ever reach perfection. Instead, “the imperfect project completed” to the best of my ability became the goal.
By the end of August 2025 revisions were mostly complete. With the help of a friend, I pursued the publication process and formed another goal.
- Bring the manuscript to publication of a book in 2026.
Alas, here we are. Spring has arrived and the book is nearing publication. Working with a printing and publishing partner, I have learned the ins and outs of editing, formatting, design and a plethora more. Sharing the depths of the publishing process will come later, in another written piece. Suffice to say, I am wiser for the experience.
My memoir will soon be ready to share with those who wish to read it. And let me say, I am grateful for all the good that has accompanied me along the way.
“Life wrote my story. I just put it on the page.”
And, it all began with a goal.